In a perfect world, everyone would manage their emotions well and be able to express their needs safely. But this is far from a perfect world. We often allow our emotions to boil over in one way or another, but anger in particular can become very dangerous. Because of this, anger management exists specifically to teach us how to manage our thoughts, words, and actions surrounding our anger.
The Relationship Between Anger and Addiction
Some people who struggle with anger will turn to substance use to try to help curb that anger. Substance use, in turn, often interferes with our ability to regulate our emotions, meaning that we might also experience more anger in our substance use. Thus, a vicious cycle is born.
However, it doesn’t even need to be a cycle–anyone is more likely to experience increased anger or any other emotion more with substance use. Both because of the physical and emotional circumstances surrounding substance use and the related environments and causes of substance use, we are more likely to experience anger. Additionally, the ability to manage our anger and prevent verbal or physical outbursts that may harm ourselves or others is less likely to exist amongst those of us who use substances.
What Does Anger Mean?
Anger is a strong emotion based on feeling annoyed, wronged, or strongly displeased about something. Many people believe that anger is a negative emotion when, in fact, it is simply a way of protecting us, allowing us to feel heard, and can create positive change in our lives.
Anger simply means that we are reacting to something that has happened in our world. The danger lies in keeping the anger inside and not appropriately voicing it. Anger does not go away on its own, it needs to be expressed and understood. When we do not address the anger, then it can build up, boil over, or even create long-term health problems such as hypertension. Anger is just one of the emotions that we have to express ourselves and our needs.
Addressing the Needs Behind the Emotions
Behind each emotion is one or more needs that we have. For anger, those needs are not being met. For example, we might have a neighbor who plays loud music in the middle of the night. We have asked them multiple times not to and it is still happening. That can make us angry. The anger comes from the fact that we need our sleep, and we are not able to get that sleep when the neighbor is so loud at night. When we are in the moment, we may just notice the anger. But when we look beyond the anger, we may realize that our lack of sleep is why we have the emotion.
Being able to look behind the emotion and look at what our needs are helps us to understand where the emotion is coming from. The more we understand, the more likely we are to seek a resolution using clear communication and thought processes. If we focus only on the emotion, then we are more likely to simply react. Reacting to our anger is what tends to get us into trouble.
Learning to Manage Reactions
One of the best skills we can learn to manage anger is to manage our reactions to situations and others in our lives. Using the example of the neighbor who is noisy, if we were to react, we might scream expletives out the window or do something even worse. This reaction compounds the situation, as now our other neighbors are also angry with us. The screaming does not change the neighbor’s actions and, in fact, may create a reaction to our reaction, and so on.
When we can step back and look at the situation and think before we react, we may find better solutions. For example, calling the police to report a quiet hours violation can be a very effective way to manage a noisy neighbor and will often allow our anger to subside because we have done something to address our needs. Finding ways to manage our reactions to our anger is very powerful and can limit negative consequences of our anger.
Skills for Success
There are many skills that we can learn within anger management. We can learn to regulate our stressors, which can prevent anger from growing too much too quickly, which can in turn prevent a verbal or physical reaction with serious consequences. We can learn relaxation techniques that allow us to catch anger early on and reduce the physical and mental effects of the anger.
Within treatment, anger management can give us an important skill set to manage our anger in healthy ways. As we learn about anger and where it comes from, as well as how to address the underlying needs, we can develop the skills to manage our reactions. Despite coming from a history of substance use, and potentially some level of dysfunction in our lives, we can take something that was a challenge, like managing our anger, and we can turn it into a strength.
When you come to Rancho Milagro Recovery, we can teach you about anger management. Call us at (951) 526-4582 and we can help you recognize that anger does not have to be negative or reactive; rather, you can use your anger to serve your purposes and be heard.