One of the most rewarding things in recovery is the opportunity to build new relationships. So many past and current relationships can be part of your history and perhaps even part of the reason you abused substances before. Now, with new eyes, a new way of living, and new communication skills, you can create all-new relationships. These relationships will be built around your health and wellness — supporting you in recovery rather than contributing to the problem. Building healthy relationships can also be a source of joy for you now and in the future.
How Can You Find Healthy Relationships?
Finding someone who is emotionally healthy enough to create a healthy relationship requires that you are emotionally healthy, too. You don’t have to be perfect, nor a psychologist or relationship expert, just healthy. During active addiction, your relationships were impacted by your substance use and related behaviors. It’s not easy to have mutual respect or give and take when another takes too much of your time and energy. Many relationships during substance abuse are related to accessing or using substances. Other relationships that you may have had can suffer during this time.
Once you have been through treatment and are in recovery, you are more emotionally and even physically available to reciprocate healthy interactions with others. This will help attract others who are in recovery or are also otherwise focused on emotional health. When you meet someone who is not emotionally available for whatever reason, flags will go up in your mind based on what you learned about communication during treatment, and you will be less likely to want to spend time with them. Particularly when you are very committed to your recovery, you are more likely to find others taking care of their physical and emotional health as well.
What is a Codependent Relationship?
Codependent relationships happen when there is someone in need of care and another who needs to take care of someone. Many people in active addiction have a codependent friend or family member in their life. This codependent person is someone who helps take care of someone struggling with addiction, cleans up their messes, etc. That need that the codependent person has to take care of someone can be just as unhealthy as a person participating in substance abuse.
The unhealthy dynamic in this relationship is that codependency prevents both parties from being independent. When the person with an addiction goes to treatment and becomes more emotionally independent, the relationship can deteriorate because the old unhealthy patterns no longer exist. The other danger is that a codependent person can help you slip into old habits or even relapse.
What is an Enabling Relationship?
An enabling relationship is similar to a codependent relationship, except the focus of the “caretaking” person is to help you use substances. Friends with whom you went out to drink or use drugs are one example. An enabler can also be someone who gives you money, covers up for you when you are intoxicated, or otherwise encourages your addiction overtly or covertly. These people are also dangerous to you when you are in recovery because they can encourage a relapse.
What are Toxic Relationships?
Many elements create a toxic relationship. Some of them include:
- Physical, emotional, sexual, verbal, financial, or any other type of abuse
- Manipulation or gaslighting
- Narcissistic behaviors
- Bullying or intimidation
- Controlling or dominating, lack of equity
- Lack of personal boundaries or invasion of privacy
- Insulting, shaming, or invalidating
- Isolating you from others or excluding you
These relationships are to be avoided, as they can cause emotional stress, trauma, or a possible relapse. When looking for new friends and relationships, all of the above behaviors are big red flags to avoid.
Forging New Relationships
Being in recovery allows you to meet others who are like-minded and emotionally healthy. You may meet people who understand addiction and are in recovery while attending a support group or alumni meeting. This commonality can make an instant bond and help you to understand one another.
You might also find new friends with common interests at work, at the gym, playing sports, doing a hobby, going to church or other social activities, and more. As you develop new relationships, you can use the skills you learned in treatment like setting boundaries, managing emotions, and improved communication to create healthy relationships. Finding friends that mutually give and take and offer you support and allow you to support them can be very rewarding now and in the future.
Most people who have survived substance abuse understand what unhealthy relationships are. The very process of seeking treatment and being in recovery makes you healthier emotionally. When you are emotionally healthy, you are more likely to find others who are also healthy. Learning about toxic, codependent, and enabling relationships helps you know what to avoid. As you move further along in your recovery, you will find people with mutual interests and experiences to create rewarding and lasting relationships with. At Rancho Milagro Recovery, our goal is to help you become emotionally healthy so that you can have rewarding relationships. Call us at (951) 526-4582 to find out about how to get treatment for addiction or how to be involved in our alumni program. Our beautiful Southern California ranch is the perfect place to help you heal mentally, emotionally, and physically. We believe in treating the whole person and in helping you step into a new life filled with new possibilities.