People have accused us of being angry, especially when we have been drinking. Sure, maybe we have a bit of a temper. But we haven’t broken anything… lately. Okay, maybe we have a little bit of a problem. But it is just our temperament. Maybe we get it from a relative or our culture. Whatever the reason, there isn’t anything we can really do about it, is there? Can anger management actually help us?
Root of Our Anger
Our anger can come from so many places. Displayed anger is often learned in the home, where another family member acted out anger and we learned that it was okay. We can also learn anger when we have suffered abuse or trauma ourselves. Anger is an emotion that, when kept in check, allows us to express our pain or discomfort.
Unfortunately, anger is an emotion that can easily spiral out of control. Out of control anger can lead to destructive behaviors, verbally, physically, or related to increased substance use. It is very healthy to find the root of our anger and to look at why we are angry. It is an emotion trying to let us know something, trying to help us do something about our pain. Managing anger without losing control or causing more harm is the most difficult accomplishment.
Correlation to Substance Use
Anger has long been correlated to substance use. However, there may be a misconception that substance use makes us angry. That is not necessarily true. The anger is usually already there, the substance use tends to remove the barriers we normally keep in place to keep the anger hidden. Substance use can exacerbate emotions we already have, or bring to the surface emotions that we may not have even known that we were hiding.
Another way that substances and anger are correlated that is less villainized in the media is the way that we turn to substances to stifle our anger. Sometimes we think that if we just drink enough, the anger will go away. Or if we get high enough, the anger won’t be screaming at us internally to come out. We learn that anger is dangerous, and so we try, in our primitive understanding, to control the anger with controlled substances.
Learned Behavior
What we learn as we are growing up can bless our entire lives, or it can be very dangerous. What we learn about anger as a child creates our narrative about anger for the rest of our lives. If we often witnessed angry words, we may believe that it is okay to use angry words with those we love. If we witnessed anger coupled with violence, we learn either that it is okay to repeat those behaviors, or we learn to fear anger altogether.
Both ideas about anger and violence are very dangerous. Obviously, learned violence or any violence is not okay, especially with those we love most. However, learning to fear anger is perhaps more dangerous, because we tell ourselves that anger is not okay at all, and we stuff our anger inside of us. This creates a bit of a ticking time bomb surrounding our anger and may result in us doing that which we fear most: losing control.
Risks of Anger in Sobriety
Even with the best treatment experience, there is a high risk of increased anger as we begin to navigate our sobriety. All of those emotions that we had all along can bubble to the surface at any time and take us by surprise. We may have anger toward events that happened to us a long time ago, even as a child. We may have anger at ourselves for using substances. We may be angry that we had to give up our substances. We could develop anger around just about anything, and particularly where we are now “raw” from our new life of sobriety, we should be aware of how we can manage our anger going forward.
How Anger Management Works
Within anger management, we learn valuable skills that can help us to honor all of our emotions. Anger is not bad, but sometimes we suffer negative consequences if we do not channel the anger appropriately. Within anger management, we learn more about ourselves, where our emotions are coming from, and how we express our emotions. We look at where those emotions are coming from and how we can release them in positive ways.
Within anger management, we learn about a lot of tools that we have to help us when we feel our anger bubbling up. They can be tools like exercise, meditation, talking it out, distracting ourselves, using humor, and more. We can then try on the methods that might work best for us, and learn to reach for those tools when the emotions begin to surface again.
How Anger Management Can Help Us
Anger management teaches us that it is okay to be angry and that those emotions are usually based on something that our body wants us to know about. Anger management teaches us how to address the anger in ways that are helpful instead of destructive.
Can anger management actually help you? There is really only one way to know for sure. Call Rancho Milagro Recovery at (951) 526-4582. We can help you with your treatment for substance use, and you can try some anger management. Find out if anger management can help change your life.