Guilt, shame, remorse, regret… all of these things can enshroud us and make us feel paralyzed to ever be anything or anyone different than the person who has drowned themselves in those things. Particularly within substance use, those feelings and more are very common. Whether we wrap ourselves in them on our own, or others help to weigh us down with judgment, considering ever feeling any other way can seem impossible. Perhaps there is a little voice inside of us that wants something more, though. A little voice that asks, “Can I ever be whole again?”
There are things we do that cannot be undone, certainly when it comes to the loss of someone or certain physical certainties. If we have committed a crime, then we must be held accountable for it. Yet none of those things can keep us from becoming whole again, healing ourselves and being a whole being once again. Even in our darkest days, we ultimately have control over ourselves and our own healing. Not only can we become whole again, but we are also the ones who have the power to make ourselves whole.
Rising from Shame and Regret
The trouble with guilt, shame, remorse, regret, and other similar ideas is that they really don’t serve us very well. Obviously, we need to know when we have done something wrong, or done something to hurt others. But after that, they are merely burdens to us.
We can choose to allow these burdens to weigh us down and incapacitate us, or we can acknowledge their purpose and use them as a catalyst for change. While it is much easier for us to wallow in our shame and flog ourselves with our guilt, it is far more harmful to us and even to those we have harmed.
For example, if during our substance use, we have harmed a loved one, wallowing in our guilt does not change what happened. It does not help to repair the relationship with our loved one, and it causes further damage to our self-esteem. These burdens paralyze us into emotional and perhaps even physical inactivity. Whereas, when we refuse to succumb to their weight and power, we can actively seek to mend the relationship we may have harmed, as well as increase our own self-esteem.
Forgiving Ourselves
In order to become whole again, we need to be able to forgive ourselves. The first step to properly forgive ourselves is to stop the behavior. In substance use, this usually means that we need to be willing to enter the recovery path and give up our substances.
Forgiving ourselves also means that we are willing to accept ourselves. We seek to accept ourselves for who we are and what we have done. Doing this requires us to wade through the guilt, shame, remorse, and regret and find the person within. We are not bad people, even if what we have done could be judged as bad. We are still ourselves, and we have the ability to change who we are at any given moment. Forgiving ourselves hinges on self-acceptance and our ability to see who we are as well as who we can become.
Healing Ourselves
As we accept who we are and take responsibility for what we have done, we can also heal ourselves. This begins with the desire to change, then the willingness to accept ourselves. From there, we have to be willing to dig deep within ourselves and find the reasons that we used substances in the first place. Once we have addressed those issues, we can begin to heal.
Healing includes learning new ways of thinking, including how to avoid being entrapped by guilt, shame, remorse, and regret. We can learn instead to look at our actions without judgment, which keeps us from unnecessarily burdening ourselves. That also allows us to move forward unburdened and to live our lives in new ways as well.
Empowering Our Lives
Our lives are empowered when we free ourselves from burdens, whether real, like substance use, or imagined, like guilt and shame. When we free ourselves from the emotional weight, it becomes easier to live our lives more authentically. We are less likely to cause emotional or physical pain to ourselves or others when we are living true to our core beliefs. This allows us to be and do so much more, and to create positive change in our lives as well as the lives of others.
Living Whole Each Day
We can live whole each day when we have broken free of the bonds of substance use, as well as guilt, shame, remorse, and regret. All of those things are like anchors that drag us into murky depths instead of allowing us to live free and choose our own destiny each and every day. When we break free of those shackles, we can live authentically with our mind, body, and spirit all free to take on the world and make all of our dreams come true.
Can you ever be whole again? Only you can truly answer that question. We can help you free yourself from the guilt, shame, remorse, and regret as you free yourself from your substance use. The only question is how soon do you want to be whole? Please call Rancho Milagro Recovery at (951) 526-4582 now, so we can show you how you can become whole again, mind, body, and spirit.