Parenting is hard. No matter the ages of our children, how many, or how good they are, parenting is one of the most demanding things we can do in this life. However, parenting becomes more than twice as difficult as a single parent. Unfortunately, countless single parents exist around the world, doing their best to show up daily for their children. Beyond single parents, those married to military personnel are still charged with the responsibility of parenting alone while their partner is deployed.
Coping as a parent is made even harder when the second parent is there one day and gone for an extended period of time the next. Additionally, there is always the underlying fear for the safety of a spouse during deployment. Fears around safety compounded with the instability of having a parent around sporadically becomes very difficult for everyone in the family. Often, the stress associated with having a deployed parent or spouse can lead to substance abuse as a way to cope.
Married to the Military
Military families have existed for generations. These families have sacrificed their husbands, fathers, brothers, wives, mothers, and sisters to preserve the freedoms that all of us enjoy. Our brave military veterans come home with wounds, both mental and physical, returning to families who share their sacrifice.
As a military spouse, chances are that you are aware of the emotional struggles involved with your partner’s commitment. Supporting your military spouse means cheering them on through training, deployment, injuries, and more, while always knowing that there is a risk they won’t make it back home. You are willing to move your entire family as it is necessary to meet your partner’s career demands. Sacrifices for our country are not just made by our brave servicemen and women. Their families make countless sacrifices, too. As a result, being married to the military can be a lot of stress for a spouse, especially one that is also a parent.
Battling All Fronts
From changing diapers to disciplining, to trying to keep up with whatever the teenagers are doing, parenting is very stressful. Now imagine that one day, your partner in parenting is gone for months and months at a time. Suddenly, not only are you handling the normal responsibilities of parenting, but you are also having deep conversations with your kids about when daddy or mommy will be coming home again.
Suddenly, not only are you concerned for your spouse but now your kids are, too. Consequently, it is your job to comfort them. However, who is going to comfort you? Perhaps you are left feeling the pressure of having to keep it together for your spouse, your kids, and for yourself, without any backup or support. However, the kids will inevitably act out because of the stress, at which point you will have to go from super single parent to some omniscient being with all of the answers. Often, it can all feel like too much to bear.
The Stress of Being a Military Spouse
Eventually, something’s got to give. All of this responsibility is too much for any one person to deal with alone. Turning to alcohol or drugs to cope might feel like the only answer you have. You are being pulled in every direction and at the core of it all, you are alone and scared, too. One drink turns into two, then three, and suddenly, you are drinking heavily and parenting much less.
If this sounds familiar, remember that you are not alone. A National Center for Biotechnology Institute (NCBI) study on substance use in military families showed that military spouses were more than three times as likely as their peer civilian spouses to have an alcohol abuse issue, and four times as likely to be using illicit or prescription drugs. With great stress comes even greater challenges.
Losing the Battle to Substances
While your spouse may be fighting on an actual war front, if you are struggling with addiction, you are fighting your own battles right here at home. Among the countless circumstances that are fueling these battles include the role of solo and lonely spouse, solo parent, and concerned partner. Once you have added the substance abuse to the equation, chances are that you will find yourself losing your battles every time. The addition of addiction to high-stress circumstances like these is like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Being stressed is not a sign of weakness. Stress is a normal and human reaction to triggers. Showing up as the sole parent during your partner’s deployment is an incredibly difficult situation to bear. The pressure of everyone counting on you is enough as it is. Adding substance abuse to the mix may have you feeling like everything is spinning out of control.
Finding Help
Just because you feel abandoned and alone during deployment does not mean that you cannot also take care of yourself. In fact, this is the most important time to practice self-care. You can start by finding help for your substance use issues.
With so many people depending on you, both physically and emotionally, you may feel like you don’t have time to focus on your own needs. However, its crucial to understand that you cannot be there for anyone if you are hurting yourself with your substance abuse. Finding treatment as soon as possible can help you heal. As a result, you will be able to show up as a better parent and partner.
Find the help you need as a spouse and parent at Rancho Milagro Recovery. We cater to military families and want to support you during this difficult time. Call us today, at (951) 526-4582 to learn about our program and services. You don’t have to face recovery from substance abuse alone. We are here to help. Call now.