Relationships can be challenging. For some reason, even though we should treat those whom we love the best, we often find ourselves acting the worst around those who mean the most to us. Some relationships, however, are built around the dysfunction. Even if these people love us the best they can most of the time, some of us end up being victims of domestic violence at their hands. Or even worse, our children become the victims. It can be difficult to distinguish love from the dysfunctional equivalent, but it is even more difficult to know what to do when love literally hurts.
What Exactly Is Domestic Violence?
Abuse that occurs in the home or within familial or romantic relationships is known as domestic violence. Not all of the abuse is physical. It can also be sexual, emotional, psychological, or economic abuse, and it could be inflicted upon minors, adults, or even elderly adults. Domestic violence occurs between people who live together or are related because it is based on one person abusing the trust and vulnerability of others in the home or needing to control others.
Why do people abuse those they love? Why do people in families feel the need to have control over others? There are many reasons. Some of them include:
- Low self-esteem
- Jealousy
- Anger management problems
- Psychiatric disorders
- Cultural beliefs
- Learned behaviors
- Substance abuse
There is no excuse or justification for violence or abuse of any kind, particularly against those whom we love. And yet, domestic violence is estimated to affect over 10 million people every year in the United States alone. This year, with COVID-19 leaving families isolated in their homes, domestic violence rates have spiked, along with mental health issues and substance abuse.
What Is the Connection with Substance Abuse?
Unfortunately, substance abuse is a common contributor to domestic violence. When we are under the influence of substances, we have less control over violent or other abusive impulses. There is also a vicious cycle connecting substance abuse and domestic violence. For example, if our mother drank and was physically abusive to us as a child, we might try to self-medicate the pain from that abuse as we get older. Our self-medication turns to substance abuse, and when we are under the influence, we in turn physically abuse our family members, and so on. The cycle is a very powerful one and could be generations deep in our family history. This vicious cycle is also very difficult to break, but it only takes one person.
Who Is Impacted by Domestic Violence?
The impact of domestic violence extends far beyond the injured person. While victims of domestic violence are possibly bruised or scarred on the outside, they are generally far more bruised and scarred psychologically. The abuser is also impacted by the violence, and when combined with substance abuse, will often drink or use drugs even more because of the guilt of harming a loved one.
However, the impact does not stop there. Domestic violence impacts the rest of the family and can extend to friends, the community, and first responders, and medical professionals. Domestic violence creates an annual cost of $8 billion per year in medical and mental health care expenses, and these expenses can grow exponentially through the years as chronic health problems arise from the abuse. In some ways, all of us are impacted by domestic violence.
How Can We Escape a Violent Relationship?
Getting out of a relationship with domestic violence can be difficult. Even long after we decide to seek help, there can be physical and financial barriers to being able to access that help. The emotional part is probably the hardest, though, as our love for our abusers can cloud our minds and keep us from making a healthy choice.
Additionally, many of those who harm loved ones will go to great lengths to keep the people they abuse within their reach. They will make threats or indulge in more harm if we show any inclination to leave the relationship. However, there are domestic violence shelters in most communities, where women can find safety for themselves and their children. It takes a lot of willpower to be able to break off a dangerous and especially a violent relationship, but it is possible.
How Can We Stop Hurting Those We Love?
For those of us who have hurt those we love, we can learn to change our ways. By seeking treatment for substance abuse, taking anger management classes, and seeking therapy from a professional, we can break our own cycle of violence and improve our relationships. Love should never literally hurt our closest relationships or ourselves.
With domestic violence affecting so many people, it is important to do something to change the trends. Since so many people are confined at home this year due to the COVID-19 pandemic, substance abuse, mental health issues, and domestic violence rates have all spiked at alarming rates. Love should never hurt like that. Whether you are the victim of domestic violence, or you are inflicting violence on those you love due to substance abuse, Rancho Milagro Recovery can help you regain control over your life. Call us today at (951) 526-4582 to get the treatment you need for substance abuse. Our treatment program includes anger management and therapy that can help you change your habits and build healthy and loving relationships again. You can have love without the pain of domestic violence. Take the steps you need to right now to break the cycle and take the pain out of love.