As if life were not hard enough being a military spouse, our partner has come back from combat with a severely impairing case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD.) We still love them dearly, but they are not the same person who left for duty. Their behaviors create more stress for us. Because they are so impaired, we have to do more around the house on top of trying to take care of them. How do I live with a partner with PTSD?
After Shock
Part of being a military spouse is preparing ourselves for our serviceman or woman to return with injuries. We know the physical horrors of war. Many returning veterans have suffered serious physical disabilities, including lost hearing, sight, and even limbs. Sometimes, they do not return at all.
Maybe we have learned about soldiers with post-combat depression. Perhaps we have even heard the term PTSD. However, there is nothing that can prepare us for our partner returning home with serious symptoms of PTSD. It is truly a shock for us after their tour of duty.
The Severity of PTSD in Veterans
Because PTSD is caused by trauma, veterans of war will often come home with PTSD after serving in combat. The atrocities of war, combined with the strict discipline required to serve in the military, can create PTSD that is very severe.
PTSD occurs when the body keeps reliving serious trauma as if it were on a constant loop. As a result, the sufferer struggles to feel safe. Often, PTSD symptoms include intrusive memories, flashbacks, and nightmares about the atrocities that were experienced and/or witnessed. People with PTSD may always feel on edge and have difficulty sleeping. Even the simplest things can trigger them, sending them into fight or flight mode, often leading to aggressive and/or dangerous behavior.
Some of the most extreme changes associated with PTSD are emotional. Those with PTSD may seem numb, cold, or emotionally disconnected. Maintaining a relationship with a person who is struggling with PTSD symptoms can be very difficult at times, due to their tendency to be distant and disassociated. They are often unable to reciprocate verbal and/or physical affection. As a result, intimacy suffers.
Risks and Behaviors
Those suffering from severe PTSD as a result of military trauma are rarely able to hold down a job, drive a car, or maintain any of the same activities they did before combat. Often, as a result of their condition, they are discharged from military service and thus feel impotent and useless to society, their family, and themselves. Unfortunately, military discharge only exacerbates mental health symptoms, leading them to struggle with a lack of purpose in their lives. Oftentimes, these circumstances lead to depression and, in extreme cases, suicide.
Outbursts of violent behavior associated with PTSD symptoms can create a safety risk at home. Frequent panic attacks and mood swings must be monitored, leading us to feel more like a caretaker than a partner. Additionally, despite the return of our partners, our workload does not decrease. In fact, it tends to increase, as we are maintaining our standard familial responsibilities while also tending to their needs and symptoms. We must make sure that they attend their therapy and doctor appointments, take their medications consistently, and more. Their PTSD has become an extra job for us.
Relationship Stress
In addition to the emotional and physical intimacy issues that put so much stress on our relationship, we must handle the extra burdens of caring for our partner and maintaining the household single-handedly. Without reciprocity in the relationship, we are literally doing everything to hold the family together. Often, this lack of support leads to extreme feelings of loneliness.
Substance Use Risks
Often, the PTSD afflicted partner may begin to self-medicate their symptoms with drugs and/or alcohol. It is not uncommon for us to seek refuge in substances either. Unfortunately, adding substances to these circumstances is usually a recipe for disaster. Using substances to cope leads to addiction, which will likely push the relationship over the edge.
Living with a Partner with PTSD
Each day is our own war zone when living with a partner with PTSD. In addition to being physically and emotionally exhausted, we are constantly putting out fires as we work to ensure our partner’s stability. However, there are steps we can take to help the situation. Countless resources exist for veterans and their families, including:
- Individual therapy for both partners
- Couples or family counseling
- Support groups for both partners
- Educating the whole family about living with PTSD
Seeking help becomes even more crucial when substance use is involved. Our partners must be substance-free in order to ensure the safety and stability of our family. Likewise, we must be sober so that we can manage the family’s needs accordingly. Living with someone with PTSD is very difficult, but it is possible.
How do I live with a partner with PTSD? Seeking support is imperative when living with a partner who suffers from PTSD. If your loved one is struggling with PTSD symptoms and using substances to cope, reach out to Rancho Milagro Recovery today, at (951) 526-4582. Our experienced professionals are trained in addiction treatment. Together, we can create a plan that will teach your loved one how to live life sober and manage their PTSD symptoms without drugs and/or alcohol.