If you’ve come across this article, you’re probably wondering what you can do for your loved one with an addiction. You’ve tried “fixing” their problem. You’ve recommended therapy to them. You’ve thrown out all of the drugs and substances in the house. You’ve done all the things websites tell you to do. You’re hurting deeply and you miss the person you once knew.
Finding out a loved one has an addiction is similar to finding out a loved one has cancer and the grief that comes along with it. Addiction can take your loved one and make them act like an entirely different person. It is hard to accept the fact that your friend or family member is dependent on something that distorts their reality. You may ask yourself, “Why can’t they just stop?” If only it were that simple.
The chemicals in the brain alter during addiction, resulting in a physiological dependence on a drug that dictates one’s life. As much as it hurts you to see your loved one that way, they need you now more than ever. The way to love someone through addiction is just like loving someone through cancer or any other sickness — compassion.
Do Not Blame
When loving someone through an addiction, compassion is incredibly important. Addiction can make someone feel more alone than ever, which is when they depend on their loved ones the most. Show your loved one that you care by offering empathy. Give them attention by cooking them a meal or offering to go somewhere with them. Treat them as though nothing has changed by continuing your daily activities with them, as long as you aren’t enabling more substance abuse.
Try not to blame them and understand this is a disease. There is enough emotional turmoil in their life caused by the substance controlling them. The best thing you can do is removing shame and offering a non-judgemental hand. Human connection is important when experiencing addiction. Like being sick in the hospital with cancer, many addicts will become reclusive in their addiction. They may feel like they need to suffer alone and in silence because of the shame. This then drives the individual to use drugs even more.
Be understanding of their struggle and give them the space they need. Healing from addiction takes time, just as healing from cancer or any other sickness. We do not shame those with cancer, so why do we shame people with addictions?
It is important to understand that addiction is a disease that cannot be switched on and off. A substance use disorder is a complex disease that disrupts the brain’s regular functions. Tasks like memory, learning, motivation, and judgment are all crucially affected. Once the brain has been chemically changed by addiction, willpower and choice are impaired. Choosing to “quit” an addiction is deeper than just saying “no.” Quitting an addiction requires understanding the brain and choosing to be aware of what the drug is doing on a chemical level. You can further support your loved ones by learning about addiction with them. Let your loved one know that you aren’t going anywhere, and you will be with them through it all. Sometimes all they need is one person cheering them on.
Remember Your Own Needs, Too
Taking care of a loved one with an addiction can be physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining. There may be days when you neglect your own health because you are so worried about theirs. The to-do list piles up and you find yourself overwhelmed and putting your needs after everyone else. Supporting a loved one with an addiction can be a full-time job. It is important to support them through it all, but with boundaries. You should never allow yourself to be mentally or physically abused. You have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of others.
If you do find yourself falling apart and not taking care of yourself, it is time to seek external help. You may want to send your loved one to an inpatient facility to live for a few weeks so they can receive proper medical care. You could also consider outpatient treatment programs where they go for a few hours every day. Your loved one can partake in group therapy, behavioral therapies, and even get assistance with medical withdrawal medications. They can meet other people and form a community where they can find support and support others.
There is a certain point when helping friends or family becomes more than one person can handle. Do not be afraid to ask for help and seek treatment for your loved one when necessary. You can offer support by taking them to appointments and meetings to help them get back on track.
With compassion, empathy, and determination, it is possible to love someone through their addiction. It is important that the individual experiencing addiction feels no shame when deciding to seek treatment. As a loved one, you can offer a judgment-free approach when suggesting treatment. Attending treatment for the first time is intimidating, so you could accompany your loved one to the first steps if needed. Support from a loved one can be a deciding factor on if someone will consider treatment. If you know someone struggling with addiction, please reach out. At Rancho Milagro, we believe in individualized treatment plans and a holistic approach. At our facility, we have acres of farmland that creates a tranquil environment for recovery. Our ranch is also home to over 20 farm and therapy animals that are helpful in the healing process. We have a supportive, extensively educated staff with their mission to help people recover. A life free from addiction is waiting!