Can’t we all just get along? Most people struggle with interpersonal relationships on at least some level. Whether it is communication or poor habits learned in dysfunction, maintaining positive, or at least functional, relationships with all of the people in our lives is difficult. When we add substance use to the mix, then it can be almost impossible. Therefore, as one of the aspects of our recovery, we can focus on improving interpersonal relationships.
Improving Ourselves
The first step when we want to improve relationships with others is to look at ourselves and see where we can improve. Obviously, removing the substance use from our lives is one of the most important things we can do, for ourselves and others. Without substances, we can learn to see our communications with others for exactly what they are, rather than cloud our perceptions with our addiction and emotions.
Looking at Our Relationship With Ourselves
Recovery gives us a chance to do a complete inventory of ourselves. Do we love ourselves? Why or why not? Do we respect ourselves? What are the things that we can do to improve those and other areas of our lives?
Interpersonal relationships usually start with our own relationships with ourselves. Are we honest with ourselves? Do we value ourselves enough to prioritize our own needs? These questions are not selfish, but rather questions for which the answers either empower us or limit our ability to interact with others. When we have a strong and positive relationship with ourselves, then we can look at our relationships with others.
Learning New Skills
Within our recovery, we learn a lot of new skills to help us in various areas of our lives. One of the areas that we spend time on is improving interpersonal relationships. While much of our behavior during substance use is very self-centered, we also tend to get lost within our relationships.
One of the best skills that we can learn is to advocate for ourselves. This helps us to identify what our needs are and use our voice to ask for what we want and need. Advocating for ourselves also helps others, not only to know what we need, but also to hear our voices asking for what we need. There is a lot of power in vocalizing our own needs, and that power becomes evident to those around us. Using that power allows us to assert ourselves in all of our relationships.
Improving Communication
Communication is the outward way that we express ourselves within our relationships. Our communication, both verbal and nonverbal, is based not only on our relationship with ourselves, but also learned ways of communicating. For those of us who have used substances, this often means some very dysfunctional skills.
Treatment is all about learning and improving and changing our lives, so we also learn how to communicate more effectively. We can learn to regulate our emotions better and learn to respond rather than react to others. We can learn to manage the stressors that we have. This does not mean our lives will be free of stress, only that we will be able to better communicate despite our stressors. Learning to improve our communication impacts the relationships with partners, family, co-workers, and more.
Setting Boundaries
We may have heard people talking about boundaries, but what are they, really? Boundaries are personal guidelines that we set for ourselves with others to help maintain our needs. For example, if we have someone in our lives who calls us at all hours of the day, we can let them know that we will only take calls between the hours of 9:00am and 9:00pm. This allows them the opportunity to respect our boundaries and allows us to sleep and take care of ourselves without someone creating more stress for us.
Boundaries are so empowering when we enforce them. We do not allow others to take advantage of us or walk all over us, rather, we assert our own needs to give us more peace and control over our lives. While it seems like boundaries might interfere with our relationships, they often will actually strengthen them because they create mutual respect.
Learning Consistent Honesty
Honesty is one of the hardest traits for someone with an addiction to have. Having honesty consistently is even more rare. One of the best parts of recovery is that we get to shake everything we know up and redefine it all.
As we learn to be consistently honest within our relationships, we are also learning to be consistently honest with ourselves. In doing so, we bring our relationships to a new level, building trust with oneself and others. Relationships that are built on trust are not only more rewarding, but more successful as well.
Committing Ourselves to Others
When we work to improve our interpersonal relationships, we are committing ourselves to others and to ourselves. We are striving for stronger relationships that allow us to grow and enhance not only our own lives, but also the lives of those around us.
The rewards of improving interpersonal relationships are endless. Contact Rancho Milagro Recovery at (951) 526-4582 to discuss how we can help you improve your life and the lives of those around you. Building healthy communication is a priority in treatment, and we can give you the skills you need to be able to strengthen all of your relationships.