Typically when we think of mourning a loss, everyone is wearing black and there are flowers everywhere. Losing someone we love is synonymous with mourning, yet there are so many other things that we might lose and mourn. Perhaps even the things we know weren’t good for us. That is why it is not uncommon to mourn the loss of our addiction.
Why Loss Affects Us
Loss is change. Changing what we know, who we know, and what we do. We become attached to things in our lives, healthy or not. Loss, whether we had a choice in it or not, hurts.
Grieving the loss of substance use seems counterintuitive. After all, substance use was harming our lives. However, it is still a process, and one of many changes when we enter recovery. That change is also emotionally stressful, so it is not surprising that we may feel grief at making these changes.
Any time we experience loss, it can affect us on an emotional, physical, or intellectual level. There is no right or wrong way to experience loss and no limitations on what we can feel grief for. Losing something, giving something up, or making changes in our lives affects us individually. We can allow ourselves to grieve anything in our lives, and addiction may be one of those things.
All of the Things We Gave Up
While addiction is not a healthy lifestyle, it was a life that was ours. Now we have given up everything surrounding it. We have given up the people, the places, and the things that our life revolved around during our substance use. In some cases we literally have to change every aspect of our lives.
Making that many changes can be difficult enough, but there may also be some resentment about having to change so many things. This makes the grief and loss that much more painful. There is often a desire to cling to our past life and the things that we thought were making us happy. Even when, deep down inside, we know we were not happy and that losing the people, places, and things that were our world is the right choice for us, it can still be emotionally painful to deal with.
Missing the Lifestyle
There is an entire culture and lifestyle that surrounds substance use. Going into a bar, ordering drinks with dinner, having friends over for drinks, and going to parties are just a few of the very normalized parts of alcohol culture, for example. Who wouldn’t miss this lifestyle that is so entwined with people and socializing? That is a tremendous loss.
We can mourn losing the lifestyle we had, acknowledging the things surrounding that lifestyle that we liked most and will miss the most. This is perfectly normal to experience, and our emotions surrounding it can include sadness or anger or any emotions that we feel.
Missing the Highs and Lows
Sometimes, we may even miss the highs and lows of our lives. Not just the substance-induced highs and lows, but the event-filled, dramatic, emotionally charged way of living that we were so used to. Even in recognizing that this lifestyle is neither healthy emotionally or physically, particularly long-term, we may still miss those ups and downs.
Especially if this was how we lived our lives, even well before substance use, we are likely to miss everything about it. That constant emotional yo-yo surrounding everything in our lives was the rhythm of our lives and everything we knew. Drama ruled and peace did not exist for us, and even if it sounds strange, we can miss that way of life.
Uncertain Future
Something that can compound a sense of grief and loss for our past lifestyle and everything surrounding it is when our future is uncertain. Even when our future is improving and we can see that we are going to be better off emotionally and physically, not knowing what that will look like can make us anxious. It is very normal for us to look back to what we know and want to keep that because we are comfortable with it.
The power of treatment is to be willing to experience all of the emotions surrounding loss, to grieve everything that we are leaving behind, but to then be willing to step boldly and bravely onto the recovery path. We may not be able to know or see what our future looks like, but being willing to acknowledge our emotions and still be willing to move forward is what growing is all about.
The Power of Mourning
When we lose someone, acknowledging their life in some way, in some type of memorial, helps to bring us closure. The same is true as we mourn the loss of our substance use. Allowing ourselves to experience all of the emotions surrounding our addiction and saying goodbye to all of the things we are giving up to be healthy helps us to have closure on that chapter in our lives and everything related to it. When we grieve, we validate our emotions and then free up energy to give to other things in our life, such as our recovery.
Mourning the loss of your addiction is a healthy part of your recovery process. Rancho Milagro Recovery can help you as you experience new emotions and find closure for old emotions. Call us today at (951) 526-4582 to find closure on your addiction.