Within active substance abuse, you can lose all of your boundaries. You may have been unable to say no to anyone or anything, often acting outside of your values. Likewise, you were unable to honor others’ boundaries, especially those closest to you. As you begin treatment and work toward your recovery, it is crucial to learn to set boundaries. As you set and enforce your boundaries, you will also become better able to keep others’ boundaries as well. Boundaries are an important part of developing healthy relationships and can also help you maintain your recovery.
Learning to Say No
Saying no can be difficult, particularly when you are saying no to a close friend or family member. Even when what you are being asked to do falls outside of your comfort zone or personal beliefs, sometimes your need for acceptance or the desire to not disappoint can overrule what you naturally do not want to do.
Saying “no” can be empowering rather than difficult. Even if the person you say no to is disappointed or you lose acceptance or friendship, you are being true to yourself and your beliefs. The concept that a true friend would not ask you to do something that you don’t want to do is valid and true. Within active substance abuse, you may have had a lot of people whom you considered friends. You’ll have to wonder, did they respect you, or was friendship one-sided? If you are not sure of the answer to those questions, try standing up to them and saying no. Someone who loves and respects you will also respect your decisions and boundaries.
You are Worth Having Boundaries
Finding self-worth after substance abuse can be hard. When your focus becomes the acquisition and use of substances, you remove all focus from yourself. Feelings of shame or guilt for behaviors during substance abuse can lead to a lack of self-worth. One of the most important lessons you can learn in treatment is that you are of great worth. You are a human being, and as such, you deserve to be respected, no matter what you may have done in the past. Your boundaries deserve to be respected.
While you may treat family members and friends with love and kindness, all too often, you may forget that you deserve to be treated the same. When you set and keep your boundaries, you tell the world and yourself that you are worth respect. You matter, your personal beliefs matter, and you are worth standing up for.
Rebuilding Trust with Yourself
Part of healing from substance abuse includes rebuilding your trust in yourself. Breaking personal boundaries with yourself may be common for you, but you can easily change this. Demonstrating that you can trust yourself to communicate and keep boundaries is important, and it will continue to be important as you heal. When you show yourself that you can trust yourself to make and keep boundaries with yourself and others, you can boost your self-esteem and heal your relationship with your personal boundaries.
Rebuilding Trust with Others
During active substance abuse, you may have said or done things that hurt others or broke their trust in you. You can rebuild trust in relationships, but it takes time and patience for both parties. For your part, demonstrating that you can keep boundaries will go a long way toward mending trust. Setting and maintaining boundaries with others will reinforce that trust.
Building Healthy New Relationships
The best part of recovery is the opportunity that it gives you to make new relationships. Whether these new people in your life are in recovery, from work, from the gym, or wherever, you have the opportunity to find people who respect you and whom you respect. You can start fresh by setting appropriate boundaries that align with your personal belief system while also adding new knowledge from treatment. These relationships have unlimited potential when you are true to yourself, and you keep your boundaries.
Empowerment at Work and Beyond
Sometimes at work, you may have done things that were outside of your belief system to try to please or impress a boss, supervisor, or co-worker. This can lead to lower self-worth as well as a lack of fulfillment in the workplace. However, when you can set and keep reasonable boundaries at work, you empower yourself with respect from others and respect for yourself. By setting boundaries in recovery, you can empower yourself at work, at home, and beyond.
Setting and keeping boundaries is important for you and for the relationships in your life. Boundaries can cultivate self-worth as well as trust, not only trust in yourself but also from others. Whether it is at work or in building new relationships, starting by setting and maintaining your boundaries can empower you to be the best version of yourself. At Rancho Milagro Recovery, we believe in treating the whole person. We want you to develop self-worth and trust in yourself again. Call us at (951) 526-4582 to talk to our caring staff members about being a guest at our beautiful Southern California ranch as you seek treatment for substance abuse. We are easily accessible yet off the beaten path so that you can enjoy a natural setting, complete with all of our animals. Find yourself again. Find your boundaries again. Let us show you how you can believe in yourself again and create powerful new relationships by setting boundaries.