None of us like to admit defeat. We don’t want to admit our faults or flaws. We dislike failure, and we have placed ourselves in a situation where we believe that asking for help or reaching out is admitting defeat. We think that real vulnerability is scary because of our judgment about it. We want to be independent, and we are obsessed with the way people view us and our character.
Of course, wanting people to like us or accept us is a natural human desire. We run into trouble because we base our self-worth and self-esteem on the opinions of others. We depend on other people’s reassurance or acceptance to feel better about ourselves. This creates trouble because we don’t actually know what people are thinking. We assume all the time and believe that we know what people’s judgments about us are. That is not the truth; we must be rid of this self-obsession.
Strength
We think that relying on a power greater than ourselves or people to help us is seen as weak. We felt we have been self-sufficient for a good portion of our lives, so why would we need anyone else? Recovery must acknowledge that we have only ever made a mess by relying on our own thinking. We don’t perceive our best interests, and we think we do. We are always obsessed with ourselves, thinking about what people are going to think about us or how to portray ourselves in a specific manner. This is constant proof that when we do that, our actions can only be selfish. Any action based on selfish thought is going to be painful.
Our real purpose must be to think of others and how we can help them. We must consider how to be useful to our occupations, family, friends, and even strangers. We believe that relying on ourselves and our thinking shows strength, however, in reality, it shows weakness.
It is often said that the 12-step recovery program is a “we” program. Nobody can do it on their own. It takes a tribe of people to help lift us up when we feel down. Other people must help us look at our mistakes and show us that there is a solution to our problems because the reality is that self cannot see self.
Honesty and Transparency
It is uncomfortable to think that we have to be truly honest and transparent with another human being. It is scary because of the judgment we assume we will receive, as we have always felt judged in the past.
The reality is that if we are dishonest about what we are feeling or actions we are taking, nobody can help us. Nobody actually knows what is going on within ourselves if we don’t open up to them. We have relied on dishonesty and delusion for most of our lives to help us survive. In recovery, however, we are no longer surviving – we are actually living.
When we admit our faults and flaws to others, it allows for a genuine connection. When we do this, we are met with admiration because people know how hard it is to be honest. It also allows us to be useful because if someone knows that you have gone through something, they can turn to you for advice on how you were able to get through it.
Choosing Accountability
We tend to have people in our lives that will side with us because it seems to be more comfortable. It is said that pain is the touchstone of growth. If we want to grow and develop spiritually, we must surround ourselves with people who hold us accountable. These people aren’t afraid of hurting your feelings because they care more about your life than your emotions. They care about getting you to engage in self-introspection because that, in turn, creates development and growth. Feelings will always pass.
For those of us that struggle with connecting to people, this is very important. Real connections and friendships will continue to flourish if we make an effort to cultivate them. In the past, we have had many fair-weather friends, i.e., friends who won’t stick around. This is because of our inability to be honest and our tendency to gravitate toward other spiritually ill people. They are people who are not recovered and are still struggling just like you are. We should practice empathy for such people, but we do not need to surround ourselves with them.
If you’re ready to ask for help, Rancho Milagro Recovery has a program tailor-made for you. Asking for help is the most critical step in any recovery journey. We hear it and say it all the time, yet forget how vital its implications are. If we are struggling, it is crucial to have a foundation and host of friends that will stick around through it. We find that these moments where we feel so isolated and alone are met with unconditional love and acceptance. We have always sought that, yet never knew how to actually accomplish it. In recovery, we meet lifelong friends that will be there when we need them. In return, we can do that for others. Admitting defeat and throwing your hands up in surrender is one of the most challenging experiences you can go through. If you’ve hit rock-bottom, it’s time to make a change. Give Rancho Milagro Recovery a call at (951) 526-4582.