Many of us tend to identify one or more people that we look up to and aspire to be like at a very young age. These people become our role models, and much of who we are becomes shaped around them. Role models can be people in our lives like family or friends but can also be celebrities or fictional characters. The problem with role models is that sometimes they can do more harm than good. As a child, it’s hard to tell when an adult will be a negative influence on you or let you down. Because role models often influence us at such young ages, the behaviors and responses we learned from them can become almost impossible to shake even decades later.
Negative Influences
Role models that display harmful and self-destructive behaviors can have a negative impact on how we treat ourselves and others. When a child sees someone they look up to abusing substances, abusing others, or breaking the law, this behavior can become normal. This can result in children not seeing the harm behind these actions and later engaging in them themselves. Even in later adulthood, when they may realize that these actions are, in fact, harmful, it can be extremely difficult to break out of them. It is important to remember that as children, we have a hard time discerning negative from positive and don’t always get to choose our role models. Often they appear as parents or relatives, other adults we are close to, or the only adults who may be around our personal circle. If a role model negatively influences you early in life, it is important not to blame yourself but instead find ways of breaking out of those behaviors and thought patterns.
Abandonment and Disappointment
Role models who may not have been a negative influence can still have a negative impact on us. Sometimes our role models are genuinely everything we expect them to be but only on the surface. Perhaps you looked up to someone who seemed put-together, happy, and healthy, but that person often let you down. As children, when we place our trust and admiration in an adult, it can be devastating to have that trust broken. When a child cannot depend on the adult who was meant to be their role model, it can create feelings of insecurity and paranoia that can last throughout adulthood. In situations like these, we learn that trusting someone will result in sadness and that avoiding attachment altogether is the easiest way not to get hurt. Avoidant tendencies can lead to many other problems as an individual continues to try and struggle through hardship without support.
Abusive Role Models
Beyond seeing their role model abuse others, some may receive abuse themselves. It is not uncommon for many children to receive verbal and physical abuse from parents and caregivers. When a role model is abusive towards you, the lasting repercussions can be vast. Not only have you been taught that abusive behavior is normal, but that you deserve it. This can create feelings of intense fear that can lead to anger and anxiety. Being on the receiving end of abuse can also tear down an individual’s self-esteem and make it difficult for them to interact with and form relationships with others. Abusive role models can also result in abusive victims. Many children raised in households of abuse grow up to later shape their families in the same way. Being aware of how abuse has impacted you is important in ensuring that you can heal and not propagate abusive tendencies elsewhere.
Gaining New Role Models
While role models may play their biggest part during our early development, adopting one later in life can have many benefits. A good role model can not only act as a pillar of support but as a tangible image of how we might like to see ourselves one day. Finding someone to look up to, no matter how old you may be, allows us to have clear goals of where we want to be and evidence that it’s possible to get there. Remember that no one is perfect, and a role model is not meant to be your only support. Expecting too much of one person can result in more heartbreak and disappointment.
Role models can have large and sometimes negative impacts on our lives and our spirits. Understanding the impact of influential adults in early childhood can help us process and grow from our trauma. Role models can also lead us down the path of addiction — if you or someone you know is seeking treatment for their addiction, call Rancho Milagro at (951) 526-4582 to learn more about our facility. We are located in the secluded hills of Temecula, CA, and offer a peaceful and private healing experience. We know that there is no one path to recovery, and that is why we treat each person as an individual with a unique path to recovery. Rancho Milagro believes in a holistic approach to recovery and treats the entire person: mind, body, and spirit. Our ranch offers miles of private hiking trails, over 20 farm and therapy animals, art therapy, massage therapy, and more.