Most of us come into this world with personalities and traits that are unique to us. Some moms swear they know their baby’s personality even in the womb, but as we are born and grow into childhood and then adulthood, our unique abilities, personalities, and traits combine with our environmental experiences to create who we are as a person. When we are in active addiction, those experiences also contribute to who we are, but in many ways, they also mask the person we truly are inside. Who is the person beneath the addiction?
When We Have Lost Ourselves in Addiction
While using substances, we behave differently. We may be more outgoing or friendly, or we may be more quiet and introverted, or we may get angry easily or be louder and possibly even abusive to others around us. These traits, for better or for worse, increase with the extent to which we use substances, and for many of us, our behaviors cause significant problems in our lives.
As our dependency upon substances increases, pieces of our lives get lost. As we focus more on the next drink or fix, we focus less on the things that brought us true happiness. Hobbies fade and disappear, relationships with healthy friends and family erode, and our good habits change to, well, different kinds of habits. Addiction creates a kind of mask for who we really are and everything from our likes and dislikes all the way to our core beliefs get lost in our addiction.
Why Addiction Hides Our True Selves
The person that people see on the outside is often not the same person that we are on the inside when we are in active addiction. The qualities that would normally shine get hidden by substance abuse and related behaviors. Our talents and strengths often get overshadowed by our need for our substances and the use thereof, to the point that we may not even be able to perform satisfactorily at work, in our homes, and in personal lives. That can also impact our self-esteem and everything we used to believe about ourselves.
The responses we get from others around us grow increasingly negative as our behaviors become more harmful to ourselves and those who love us. This amplifies the negative thoughts that we have about ourselves, which also impacts our self-esteem. This process often amplifies our need to self-medicate with substances, because each day we spend addicted increases our self-loathing and that is painful. The person we present in active addiction is rarely more than a fraction of the amazing human being that is trapped inside of our relentless substance use.
Removing the Substances, But Not-Self
When we begin the recovery process, it is important to discern which parts of us pertained to the substance use and which parts of us were truly us. This gives us the opportunity to inventory our beliefs and values as well as our habits and behaviors. We can also truly dig deep and look in the mirror to identify and accept all parts of ourselves–the parts that hurt and the parts that we love. We can identify the reasons we turned to substances, which allows us the opportunity to heal and create long-lasting change in our lives.
Some of the things we learned or did in substance abuse may be good things. For example, for people who were previously shy, the lowering of inhibitions experienced in active addiction may be something that we choose to hang onto. We can be more friendly, more outgoing, and enjoyable to be around without the aid of substances. We know because we have done it and we gain new confidence as we heal. We can remove the substances without removing the characteristics that we liked about ourselves during active addiction.
Unwrapping Ourselves in Recovery
Recovery from addiction allows us to peel back the layers of pain and substance abuse and find out the person we truly are inside. That little child with hopes and dreams, the one we have been protecting from the pain and trauma we have since experienced. We learn more about our core beliefs and values, the things that truly matter. We discover the pieces of ourselves that have long been buried. In a way, recovery even affords us a chance to reinvent ourselves. We can take the good and bad from pre-substance abuse, as well as the lessons we have learned during our difficult days spent in addiction, and we can find out who the person really is beneath the addiction.
You have lived a hundred lives, it seems. The life before substances, and the 99 lives spent in active addiction, trying to numb the pain, escape, or self-medicate. Beneath all of those life experiences lives the person you really are. The one who wanted to be an astronaut or a ballerina when they were little, with hopes and dreams long forgotten. Recovery is the perfect time to go back and find those dreams and all of the other parts of you that make you unique. At Rancho Milagro Recovery, we are committed to helping you find the person beneath the substances, the person within. Call us today at (951) 526-4582 so we can help you inventory who you are and who you want to be going forward. When you remove the addiction, you may be surprised who you find beneath–it is the person you knew you were all along, better and wiser than ever.