Loneliness is a normal feeling that many people encounter regardless of their circumstances. It can be hard to manage feelings of loneliness, especially when we may be struggling with mental health issues and/or addiction. No matter how lonely we may feel at times, it’s important to remember that we are never truly alone.
Loneliness and Being Alone
The first thing to recognize is that loneliness and being alone are two separate things. Loneliness is typically a feeling that arises from being alone. This feeling is essentially the result of needing to feel heard, comforted, understood, or any combination of the three. The need to share your experience with others, be it verbally or in solidarity, is natural. As humans, we thrive through social connections and interactions—it’s the way we learn and grow the best. When we are unable to share our thoughts and feelings with others we can often feel trapped and even rejected. While it is true that sometimes we are physically alone, many people share in our experience and can understand our struggles.
Why Can’t I Maintain My Relationships?
Sometimes when you’ve experienced trauma and struggle daily with your mental illnesses, it can be hard to remain close to others and for others to remain close to you. The truth is that there are people who will be able to understand you and those who will not. Even for those who don’t struggle with their mental health, it can be difficult to form and maintain relationships because some people simply aren’t compatible. Having a mental illness can make the criteria for compatible relationships a little more extensive, but this only means that once you can form and maintain healthy relationships, they will be all the more rewarding. Of course, maintaining relationships is not only a matter of finding people you’re compatible with but putting in work to take care of yourself and grow. If your mental health issues cause you to lash out or harm others, it’s not just a matter of finding people who can understand that but working on yourself to address your behavior.
How Can I Find People Who Will Understand Me?
If you want to form relationships with others and hope to find people that can relate to and empathize with you, there are many options. Organizations like NA and AA are available for those who struggle with addiction and can be great places to share your experience and receive insight from others. There are also fewer official groups available all over the internet that are often directed at very specific illnesses and situations. While reminding yourself that you’re not alone in your struggle can help you feel less lonely, having real people to talk to that have had a similar experience can quell loneliness and help you to feel connected to others.
What if I Enjoy Being Alone?
Finding joy in alone time is completely healthy! There is nothing wrong with being comfortable while alone. Being able to spend time with ourselves is just as important as spending time with others. When we’re alone we can focus on ourselves—providing us with clarity over our own goals and values. However, it’s important to be able to recognize when we may need socialization and good company.
Can I Learn to Enjoy Being Alone?
You may be someone who is entirely uncomfortable with being alone but it isn’t something that you can’t learn to enjoy. We must be able to take alone time—being alone is something we can’t always escape and being able to provide ourselves with the comfort we need when others can’t is a crucial skill. Learning to get comfortable with our thoughts can be scary, at times we may even become overwhelmed by ourselves.
When spending time alone it can be helpful to have an activity to occupy yourself. This can mean things like watching your favorite movie or cleaning your living space. The best activities are ones that are productive and will leave you feeling accomplished once they’ve been completed. You may also try to look at alone time as a special occasion. It’s not often that we’re able to take time completely to ourselves so rather than fear it, try and see it as an opportunity to do the things you can’t do around others! You can take a long bath or sing along to your favorite songs without fear of judgment, “your time” is for the things you enjoy.
Being alone can be a scary feeling and not having a support system at all may be even scarier. If you are struggling with addiction it’s important to remember that you are never truly alone and that there are always people willing and ready to help you. If you are ready to receive treatment for your addiction call Rancho Milagro at (951) 526-4582 to discuss your treatment options. Rancho Milagro’s compassionate and friendly staff are committed to you and your recovery. We believe in treating the whole person: mind, body, and spirit. At Rancho Milagro, you will receive individual care with a treatment plan created especially for you because we know that there is no one path to recovery. We are located in the secluded and scenic hills of Temecula, CA, and can promise you a private and peaceful healing experience. Our ranch is home to over 20 farm and therapy animals as well as miles of private trails.