When someone chooses to enter treatment for substance abuse, it has somehow become clear that alcohol is not helping them. Whether it was family, legal issues, work, or other reasons, it is time to unfriend alcohol. However, alcohol is more than a substance. For many, it can be a way of life, a ritual, something that is a part of their life. Beyond how it makes people feel, alcohol is ingrained in many family and cultural traditions. So how can we learn to live without alcohol?
Making the Choice
Like so many people, alcohol was a way of life for us. Our parents drank. Their parents drank. It should not surprise that we started drinking, too. Perhaps we started drinking with meals, then socially. It was probably when we started hiding our drinking that things started to get bad. Eventually, we realized that we had a problem, so we sought treatment. Whatever our story was, we needed help.
Making the choice to leave alcohol behind is never easy. Our friends, family, and social life typically revolve around alcohol, so we are losing more than just a substance when we decide to seek treatment. Should our lives really revolve around anything or anyone like that? What about the obvious negative side effects of alcohol abuse? Even when we do make that choice to leave alcohol behind a part of us can still really miss it.
Grieving the Loss of Alcohol
It is hard to know what we miss most – the people, the places, or the ritual of holding a glass, bottle, or can. We may miss our favorite bar, or the way we felt after we had been drinking. Or maybe we miss all of it. Alcohol, after all, was our closest companion when we were actively drinking. But it seems weird to miss something that also brought us so much pain, shame, and guilt.
Grieving the loss of alcohol is actually very normal. There are many things in this life that are not healthy for us that we miss when they are gone. When alcohol was such a significant part of our lives, it is normal to grieve the loss of having it. Just like grieving any other loss, we can work through the stages of grief. Doing this while in treatment is the perfect time and place, because we are surrounded by others who are likely to understand the grief. As we heal from addiction, we can also heal from the loss.
Facing Family and Friends
Returning home and facing family and friends whom we formerly drank with can be difficult. There will be birthdays, holidays, dinner parties, and other gatherings where we know alcohol will be present. In the beginning, we may need to avoid those gatherings to prevent relapse. This can be especially difficult if there are individuals within our circle of family and friends who are addicted to alcohol as they may not be accepting of our recovery journey.
Changing and participating in our former close relationships especially can be very difficult. However, we also learn a lot about the people we thought we knew. Those who truly are capable of love and a healthy relationship will support us in our recovery. We will also make new relationships with people who are understanding and supportive as we move through the recovery process.
Finding New Places to Go
One of the most exciting opportunities as we change our lifestyle is to find new places to go, new things to do, and new people to meet. Leaving everything and everyone else behind may seem difficult at first. But as we explore and build healthy new relationships, those regrets become less frequent.
This is a time to try new things and do all of those things we never had time to do. We may find that rather than watching our family dysfunction surrounding their relationship with alcohol, we enjoy hiking with friends and having meaningful conversations. We may find ourselves having fun without one drink.
Replacing Rituals
We can honor the place that alcohol has had in our lives and still replace all of the rituals of our past. The people, places, and the substance that we spent so much time with helped make us who we are today. Now, we can make ourselves the person we will be for our future.
Learning to live without alcohol can be difficult, as is much of the recovery process. Also like everything else in the recovery process, it is worth it. Growing up with family and friends and drinking being such a significant part of our lives, leaving alcohol behind can feel like an actual loss, like losing a loved one. It is okay to grieve. It is also okay to move on. The life ahead of you will be exciting. Difficult, sure, but also exciting. Forming new relationships and finding new activities to enrich your life will be a whole new adventure. At Rancho Milagro Recovery, we understand the difficulties of learning to live without alcohol, and we are here to support you in making those changes. Call us at (951) 526-4582 So we can help you find your best path. The journey of learning to live without alcohol may not be easy, but it is worth it. You are worth it.