Even the most socially-adept individuals can struggle with effectively and accurately communicating with others. Communication issues can lead to confusion, arguments, and even misinformation that can have serious consequences. Learning how to communicate effectively can improve your interpersonal relationships and help you better navigate the world around you.
What Are Communication Skills?
Being able to communicate well means observing, speaking, listening, and empathizing with others. Knowing how to speak eloquently or with an extensive vocabulary does not necessarily mean that you have good communication skills. An essential part of genuinely communicating is paying attention to and hearing what others have to say.
Practicing the way you deliver messages also plays a crucial role in communicating. In situations where we feel wronged, it can be easy to use accusatory language and speak rashly. Emotions can quickly take over while we’re trying to communicate. However, most people, even if they are guilty, will not respond well to aggression.
Listening to Hear, Not to Respond
Being attentive to others while they speak is one of the keys to successful communication. Maintaining a conversation is difficult when you feel like the other person isn’t hearing you or is speaking over you. This can create feelings of alienation and likely make you feel less interested in interacting with that person. Not listening is something we’re all guilty of, even if we aren’t doing it on purpose. While in a conversation, we may slip inside our heads, whether it be because we’re excited to say what we want to say or because we’re planning on what we’re going to say next. When we do this, we’re listening only to respond rather than listening to hear what someone else has to say.
This communication error can be especially harmful if you’re having a serious conversation or arguing. Conflict resolution hinges heavily on both parties being receptive to one another. If you find yourself slipping into your mind while communicating with someone, remind yourself that what they have to say now is equally important as what you’re going to say next.
Nonviolent Communication
Another key to successful conflict resolution is Nonviolent Communication. Loaded language, accusations, or insults only make a conflict worse, leading to sour feelings and neither party getting what they need. Nonviolent Communication is implemented by using a structured approach to state your argument or complaint. The components of Nonviolent Communication are listed as observations, feelings, needs, and requests.
- Observations are a way to provide background for your feelings and allow the other person to see where you’re coming from. An observation is not an accusation, meaning you are not administering blame or judgment and should try to explain your observation with as little bias as possible. For example, you may say, “I’ve noticed that you walked away while I was speaking.”
- Another step in Nonviolent Communication is sharing your feelings. Part of making this step effective is understanding why you may feel that way and being honest with others. You may feel disrespected when someone walks away as you’re speaking, but consider why that makes you feel that way. Sharing the “why” and not the “what” will help the other person better empathize with you and avoid blaming. Rather than “I feel disrespected,” you could say, “I feel small.”
- Expressing a need that goes along with that feeling helps the other person empathize further and better understand the root of your feelings. A need can be related to anything but should not include “you.” Your needs are specific to you and exist, regardless of who you may be interacting with. “I need you to be attentive” is not a need but a want. “I need to feel heard” is a more powerful and honest expression of your needs.
- The last component of Nonviolent Communication is making a request. Requests are not the same as demands or expectations but are an extension of your needs. When making a request, there is no obligation for the other person to comply, and requests should not be directed as judgments on someone’s character or capacity. A request may look like asking that person if they understand what you’re saying or requesting that they remain in the room during your conversation.
Why Do Communication Skills Matter?
Communicating with others is something we all do daily, and being able to utilize communication skills can make our interactions more fulfilling. Without an effective way to express ourselves to others or an ability to allow others to express themselves, we run the risk of losing connections and never having our needs met. Having relationships with others is a part of living a happy life, and it can be hard to form and maintain those connections if we aren’t able to communicate effectively.
Communication skills can be utilized with anyone and in any situation—at home, at work, while receiving medical services, and even in restaurants or stores. Having a firm grip on your ability to communicate can make you more prepared in situations of conflict or when addressing uncomfortable topics. Without effective communication skills, we may find ourselves in situations where we cannot meet our basic needs. Being better able to communicate with others can also help us better understand our needs.
Communicating with others effectively can help us lead happier and more fulfilling lives and maintain bonds with the people who are important to us. Strong communication skills can be critical in situations where we may find ourselves uncomfortable or hurt. If you’re struggling with addiction, it may be hard to communicate your needs and to hear the needs of the people around you, making it difficult to receive help or treatment. To speak with a member of our team about how we can help you begin recovery, call Rancho Milagro at (951) 526-4582. At Rancho Milagro, you’ll find a team of professionals that are committed to your care and helping you enter recovery. We offer both inpatient care and detox to those who qualify on our beautiful ranch in Temecula, CA. Rancho Milagro believes in treating the whole person and can help you learn the tools you need to continue your recovery after treatment.