Recovery from substance abuse is a huge learning curve, and also a very personal journey. Therapy in particular can help you learn a lot about not only who you are, but also how you came to be this way. Amongst the various theories within psychotherapy is one that has been around for decades, called attachment theory. As you begin to heal from addiction and explore who you are under all of the layers of pain and substance use, it might be helpful to discover the way your very early life experiences helped to make you who you are today.
How Did My Early Experiences Shape the Way I Am?
From infancy, how you build healthy relationships is learned from how you interact with your parents or caregivers. You learn patterns from how your needs are or are not met, as well as the emotional responses that your parents give you. When there is stability, warmth, affection, and when your needs are met quickly, you grow up expecting and finding relationships that reflect those early experiences.
When your needs are not met, or not met well, or when there is a less nurturing environment in the home as an infant, you may develop an attachment style that attracts different types of relationships. Many of those relationships may not be as healthy, and you can trace a pattern of interactions that stemmed from those very early experiences. Sometimes, those interactions between infant and parent can even contribute to later interactions with others that influence your addiction later on in life.
Understanding the Four Attachment Styles
Most people find themselves primarily in one of the four attachment styles:
Anxious/Preoccupied – lacking secure attachment as infants, they are perceived as needy as adults. Seeking fulfillment in others, they also tend to push them away with their behaviors and can be jealous, petty, or demanding.
Dismissive/Avoidant – not trusting to have their needs met early in life, they are more likely to isolate themselves and remain distant emotionally. They are also likely to shut down in the face of hurtful situations.
Disorganized/Fearful-Avoidant – likely to have resigned to a lack of attachment as an infant, they tend to avoid people as adults by acting as if they do not care. Because they are both drawn to people yet fear getting too close, they may act unpredictably.
Secure Attachment – developing in families where their needs were met well, they feel safe and connected in relationships, and exhibit honesty, independence, and support.
Which Theory Best Describes My Attachment Style?
Some people can identify their attachment style immediately, while others need to learn more about the subtleties of each style before they realize which traits they exhibit most. Working with a therapist or reading books on attachment styles can help you to better identify how your attachment style has shaped your relationships and choices. This can help you to examine how to change your future choices, too.
Knowing How to Respond to Life’s Cues
Just because you have an attachment style that has largely shaped your life to this point does not mean that it has to define the rest of your life. Identifying the things that trigger you or the kinds of people who are healthy or unhealthy for you to be around can give you an advantage as you look to make decisions.
Learning more about the types of people who are the most likely to produce healthy relationships can help you to look for and find those people. When a challenge comes up and you are tempted to avoid someone, or whatever your typical reaction has been based on your attachment style, you now have the knowledge and opportunity to continue on that path or respond to life’s cues in new and different ways.
The Ability to Change Your Responses
Life’s cues give you information, but how you respond to that information is always up to you. While the attachment theory is largely applied to romantic relationships, you can apply your past patterns and responses to many areas of your life, including the road that led you to addiction.
Now that you have chosen a road of recovery instead, all of your choices and relationships give you the ability to navigate each response differently. You can use the knowledge you have about how you were shaped from birth to reshape the person you will be from here on out. Your attachment style can ultimately change just like you are changing as well.
Learning about your attachment style helps you to look at where you came from and where you have been so that you have more power over where you are going. By learning how you have reacted in relationships before, you can change how you react in your future relationships. By discovering how your attachment style has impacted your life, you give yourself the power to change your destination. Rancho Milagro Recovery is the perfect place to begin your treatment and recovery. Our residential addiction treatment facility is a working ranch in Temecula, California. We are remote and yet easily accessible, the perfect place for you to clear your mind and begin your recovery journey. Call our caring staff at (951) 526-4582 to find out more about how we tailor our programs for you. We also offer an alumni program as a way to stay connected after your initial treatment is complete.